What I most love about this...is it shifted me from my mother (who was wise & wonderful & I lost a year ago).... to my daughter. These lines above are asking me "which of these phrases resonate for my 25 yr old daughter today?" "Which of them will resonate for her when I'm gone?" This is here and now ....and there's so much power for me in that.
The beauty in your essay, Cheryl, is you've reminded me that all she needs from me is to love her fully, completely and unabashedly for who she is. Remembering she is not a reflection of me. She is a beautiful, once in a lifetime combination of contradictions fighting to emerge fully. All I need to do is realize she was gifted to me.... and the role I best serve is to see her fully as she is. Might I create a safe and loving landing spot for both her most vulnerable AND bravest moments? It's really about love - and the privilege of walking this path with her. The challenge of knowing when to speak and when to listen, I think, and that is so much easier said than done.
On this Mother's day...I'll reflect on my own mother but what really jumped out at me is..."Who can/will I choose to be as a mother myself?"
This really spoke to me. My mother was such a contradiction. She could be so loving, a great teacher, funny and kind. She could also be bullying, cruel, couldn’t bear to see me thrive as an adult and tore me down when she felt she wasn’t receiving the attention she craved from others or me. She died in December at the age of 86. I’d been her main carer for the last 5 years, through poor mental health and dementia. It nearly broke me. Never knowing when the abuse would start or end. I’ve been able to get peace now she’s gone. And I understand that she did the best she knew how to. 💔 ❤️
Thank you for your beautiful words, Catherine. My mother is very much like yours and at 83, I am with her again after 34 years of raising my own 4 children. I NEED to remind myself that she has done the best she knew how! It’s complicated- always has been and looks like it will always be to the end.
Hi Mary, I had my own 4 children. And the love I could show my Mum at her funeral was to thank her for the love she lavished on my kids. My mum was brilliant with kids - the relationship was uncomplicated, innocent and she was adored. Until they grew up and challenged the way she abused me. Then she would cut them off for a period, then guilt and entice them back. It was complicated! Work with a brilliant therapist helped me to come to terms with the fact that she was a traumatised child, and did the very best she was able. She passed her trauma on to her children. It’s so sad because I know she was committed to being our mother, but many times it was too much to cope with on her own. 😔. I forgive her. Wow! I really do, but it doesn’t mean the fall out isn’t still felt in my relationships, or that it doesn’t still hurt. Working to interrupt the cycle. X
As I spend the day celebrating my daughter’s first child I find myself wishing she was able to be here and then remember she is. She is still present in our family. When my son says something she used to say or when my daughter laughs like her. The very best of her lives in our hearts and I’m grateful to have had a mom I learned so much from. Our relationship was anything but perfect and her love immeasurable. Thank you again for the gentle nudge to love all of it and happy mother’s day.
What I love most about you is how inclusive your writing has always been. Secondly, your beautiful heart pours onto the page as poet, dreamer, lover and the mother that you are. Happy Mother’s Day to you precious!❤️
What I most love about this...is it shifted me from my mother (who was wise & wonderful & I lost a year ago).... to my daughter. These lines above are asking me "which of these phrases resonate for my 25 yr old daughter today?" "Which of them will resonate for her when I'm gone?" This is here and now ....and there's so much power for me in that.
The beauty in your essay, Cheryl, is you've reminded me that all she needs from me is to love her fully, completely and unabashedly for who she is. Remembering she is not a reflection of me. She is a beautiful, once in a lifetime combination of contradictions fighting to emerge fully. All I need to do is realize she was gifted to me.... and the role I best serve is to see her fully as she is. Might I create a safe and loving landing spot for both her most vulnerable AND bravest moments? It's really about love - and the privilege of walking this path with her. The challenge of knowing when to speak and when to listen, I think, and that is so much easier said than done.
On this Mother's day...I'll reflect on my own mother but what really jumped out at me is..."Who can/will I choose to be as a mother myself?"
Enduring this holiday with my head in the sand more than celebrating, I'm glad I opened your email, Cheryl! Thank you. 🥲💛 Much love!
This really spoke to me. My mother was such a contradiction. She could be so loving, a great teacher, funny and kind. She could also be bullying, cruel, couldn’t bear to see me thrive as an adult and tore me down when she felt she wasn’t receiving the attention she craved from others or me. She died in December at the age of 86. I’d been her main carer for the last 5 years, through poor mental health and dementia. It nearly broke me. Never knowing when the abuse would start or end. I’ve been able to get peace now she’s gone. And I understand that she did the best she knew how to. 💔 ❤️
Thank you for your beautiful words, Catherine. My mother is very much like yours and at 83, I am with her again after 34 years of raising my own 4 children. I NEED to remind myself that she has done the best she knew how! It’s complicated- always has been and looks like it will always be to the end.
Hi Mary, I had my own 4 children. And the love I could show my Mum at her funeral was to thank her for the love she lavished on my kids. My mum was brilliant with kids - the relationship was uncomplicated, innocent and she was adored. Until they grew up and challenged the way she abused me. Then she would cut them off for a period, then guilt and entice them back. It was complicated! Work with a brilliant therapist helped me to come to terms with the fact that she was a traumatised child, and did the very best she was able. She passed her trauma on to her children. It’s so sad because I know she was committed to being our mother, but many times it was too much to cope with on her own. 😔. I forgive her. Wow! I really do, but it doesn’t mean the fall out isn’t still felt in my relationships, or that it doesn’t still hurt. Working to interrupt the cycle. X
This is everything.
Happy Mothers Day to you.
You are a very loving and remarkable, example setting mother. I've seen you in action. Your mother raised a prize...you!
Absolutely beautiful. Thank you.
As I spend the day celebrating my daughter’s first child I find myself wishing she was able to be here and then remember she is. She is still present in our family. When my son says something she used to say or when my daughter laughs like her. The very best of her lives in our hearts and I’m grateful to have had a mom I learned so much from. Our relationship was anything but perfect and her love immeasurable. Thank you again for the gentle nudge to love all of it and happy mother’s day.
Sending love to all. This makes me cry each time I read it 💗 Such beautiful words.
Love this so much.
Dearest Cheryl,
What I love most about you is how inclusive your writing has always been. Secondly, your beautiful heart pours onto the page as poet, dreamer, lover and the mother that you are. Happy Mother’s Day to you precious!❤️
Lori
I lost my Mom in February at 95. Petal by wilted petal, you just said it all. Thank you Cheryl, you are a gift❤️
Thank you Cheryl. Beautiful passage. Happy Mother’s Day.
Happy Mother’s Day to you as you celebrate the mother you are and remember the one you lost. ❤️
Absolutely iconic. Wow. Goosebumps and tears. I know I will read this again and again. Some of the sentences I will savor. Thank you.
thank you
Thanks, Cheryl - wrapping this around me like a comforter today ❤️